Your Facebook Life Doesn’t Fool Me
Every Monday night gaggles of Americans set their DVR’s and gather in groups around bottles of wine and bowls of guacamole to feast their eyes upon the obscenity that is The Bachelor. Now I have no problem with reality television, give me a table-throwing Housewife any day, but the premise of The Bachelor so offends my self-esteem that I simply cannot tolerate even a moment of the show.
In real life if you find out your boyfriend is dating another woman, what happens? Tears and screams and cringe-worthy text messages sent after a bottle of vodka. Be honest, if some dude said you might be “the one” and then turned around the next night and played find-the-pickle in a hot tub with another woman, you’d say “F- you… and the horse you rode in on!” And if you wouldn’t, then you need to get yourself into some therapy. Why the hell this show is called The Bachelor and not You Cheating A—hole, You Can Shove That Rose Where The Sun Don’t Shine… is beyond me.
No self-respecting woman would knowingly allow the man she claims to be in “luurve” with to go out with someone else, let alone two dozen someone else’s. This scenario of competing for a man’s affections assumes this one random jackass, whom you have never met, is so amazing by virtue of being on television, that women should forget they have any actual self-worth and claw each other’s eyes out for the opportunity to be with him. At the end of the day he’s still gonna fart in bed and waft the covers…what a prize!
Seriously, get some self-respect girl! I can’t even share my dinner with a girlfriend, no way I’m sharing my partner. Granted I never really mastered casual dating, being entirely too high-maintenance not to be the center of the guy’s attention, but there’s nothing casual about the way this show orchestrates these romantic picnics and meet-the-parents scenarios.
Speaking of the parents, what the hell are they thinking? You’re gonna watch your daughter act like a Ho-Dog on national television and welcome the dude banging her and a dozen other girls into your home for a family dinner? Has your judgment been impaired by the thought that having ABC pay for the wedding might allow you to buy that mid-life crisis car you’ve been eyeing? Ok Pimp Daddy…whatever helps you sleep at night.
This isn’t a moral argument, if you wanna throw the cat around girl, you go right ahead, but really, in front of your momma and everybody? I understand the need to try-before-you-buy, but dating is not your “app-lap” at the Costco, honey, you don’t have to take a sample from every cart….it’s just tacky.
And it’s not a sexist argument either, the men on the show are just as cheap. I saw a promo where one of the suitors on The Bachelorette was all broken-up that the chick slept with another guy….um, the entire premise of the show was to let one dude get laid as much as possible. You’re just pissed you were selected for the wrong season. I certainly hope the network gives all the contestants a free penicillin prescription with extra refills.
I’d like to understand how a same sex wedding, between two people who have actually taken the time to fall in love with each other, can jeopardize the sanctity of marriage, but marriage as the grand prize of a silicone-filled game show does not. Sounds to me like some of the nearly 9 million viewers of the show need to turn their Bachelor-watching parties into Bible studies, ‘cause I’m pretty sure there’s nothing sacred in those proposals, and yet I see no Facebook campaigns to protect the sanctity of marriage from legions of publicity whores.
The guy can be a dreamboat with a trust fund but looks and money don’t mean you get to decide someone else’s worth, and anyone interested in competing for that guy’s attention shouldn’t have left their shrink before their daddy issues were all worked out.
I know reality television is about the drama of it all, and plenty of my friends watch the show in good fun, but any young person watching the show is going to see relationships painted as a competition where the best blow job wins.
And as any older person can tell you, blow jobs and marriage have very little in common—if you need to verify that statement, you can ask my very disappointed husband.Share This: