Your Facebook Life Doesn’t Fool Me
Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way, shall we friends? Since moving to the South, Sweetpotato and I have had to make quite a few adjustments to our world view in order to assimilate into polite society. The most startling one for me was all these folks opening conversations with “Now don’t judge me, but….”
First of all, it implies that you think you personally are so special that people should just give you a pass on your behavior. If you were really ok with your actions you wouldn’t give a hoo about who thought what about you.
But secondly, and more importantly, asking me not to judge you is like asking the sun not to shine, a fat baby not to fart, a glass of chapagne not to bubble– ridiculous and impossible. A judgment by any other name is an opinion, and if opinions are like assholes then I guess I’m the biggest one around. It doesn’t have to be my business, it doesn’t have to affect my life in the least little way, but folks have a God-given right to think anything they want about anyone they want, and to say it outloud if they are so moved. It’s even in the Commandments- Thou shalt not bear false witness. That’s right honey, pretending not to judge someone is just as good as lying to their face. And for all the fans a-wavin’ in church down here every Sunday morning, nearly everyone you meet is smiling to your face and blessin’ your heart behind your back.
I guess I lived up with those Yankees for too long, because I’m going tell you straight out that I am the judge and jury of my own universe and I make no apologies for being so. Now judging doesn’t have to be a bad thing, I may love every little thing you do. (And yes this scenario does seem unlikely, but you can always hope.) The reality is that I will adore some things, I will revile others, and in most cases I will simply not care enough to form an opinion on every single thing about you….I do have myself to worry with you know. And when you think about it friends, you will be judging me too, now won’t you? My pitiful domestic skills, my ghastly wine consumption, those times I forget to pick my kid up at the bus stop….I’m sure you could go on, feel free to do so, or just feel free to have you a glass of wine and get on with yourself until the next time you’re called into the courtroom.
Like it or not, there are so many folks walking around looking a hot mess or acting bat$h*t cray-cray that I really could spend all my time trying to sort them out. But, again, I have my own self to maintain so I try to practice ‘random acts of judgin’ so as to use my judging skills for only truly worthy cases- these will usually involve drunken behavior, ill-fitting clothing, and poorly applied cosmetics…until I get to know you better and then I can get to judging the good stuff!Share This: