The Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift Guide
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Dear Fashion-less Moron with Head-Up-Ass:
It is not in my nature to speak disparagingly of myself. Disparagingly of others is really a better fit. I say this because I don’t want you to think this is another diatribe by a woman thinking she looks bad in a bathing suit. I look fabulous in a bathing suit, even if in my own mind.
I was in one of your stores today and thought I would just pop over to the bathing suits and pick up one before all the good ones are gone. Normally I shop for bathing suits in June after the water warms up, I’ve gotten some sun on my legs and feel I can fully embrace public displays of wobbly bits. However, next week we are traveling to Florida, hence my rush to replace the bathing suits I have been stretching out for the past 5 years.
Anyway, as I round the corner to the bathing suit department thinking I will pick up a cute-yet-modest 2-piece, I am met head-on by Spring Break 1993.
I have not done an official poll or anything, but based on my recent observations, I am quite certain there are not many of your Target shoppers who really need to be wearing this.
The problem dear Sir or Madam, is this girl in your ads:
And her 2 friends:
Even I, who has full knowledge of the size and shape of my backside, took that light green thing into the dressing room, along with half a dozen other versions, envisioning myself at the neighborhood pool looking sexy and youthful. As my white hip-flesh squeezed out from between the little side strips in the unforgiving florescent light of the dressing room, I awakened from my daydream to find myself surrounded by items that would look perfect on Jennifer Aniston. Unfortunately, I was the only person in the dressing room.
So I took the mass of stringy things out to the disgruntled dressing room attendant, who heaved them with a sigh onto a mound of similar discards (don’t you have a better system for this yet?), and returned to the swimwear section to find a slightly more mature 2-piece. Turns out, there aren’t any more mature 2-piece bathing suits. Your choices are inappropriately tiny or reminiscent of a swimming costume from the 1940’s.
Apparently if you are above the age of 30 you are to wear a gigantic wad of nylon ruching with a skirt- I guess I missed that memo. Just because I don’t want my nipples slipping out when I jump in the pool doesn’t mean I want to shop in the mumsy-florals of the Practical and Functional section.
I know I no longer have my 18-year-old abs. I know I have 2 children to chase after. I know every other mother at the pool will have on a tankini or one-piece but I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
In the same way I refuse to drive a minivan even though I know it would be so much easier to negotiate with small children, I cannot wear a sensible suit.
I would like to point out to you that I spend a sizable amount of time and money in your stores. I take my children there on rainy days and buy them crap they do not need. I over-purchase seasonal décor and cosmetic items. I spend at least $100 every time I walk in the damn door. In short, I am your target demographic, so why would you not fill your stores with clothing I want to buy?! I am youthful, sophisticated, active, stylish and I want Wearable Fabulous!
In short, if you want to continue siphoning the paychecks of every suburban family in the free world, you need to find a selection of swimwear for adult women somewhere between the wardrobe closet of Beverly Hills 90210 and a full-body girdle.
Royally,
Queenan
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Amen sista!!
So true! But I have to admit that I have worn the full coverage, skirted, spanx laden suit from target! Not my proudest days!
Have you been to walmart? They have 2 piece suits for supermodels and one piece suits with the sides missing. And of course, the grandmother garb.
Ha, ha! Girl, I can’t even go into The Wal-mart anymore….all those garments are a fire hazard!!
Buyers buy what works and what’s on trend in the market. They look at history of what sold and try to improve the assortment for the next year to gain higher sales again. They are not aiming to shame or alienate customers. Target honestly is the #1 place to buy swimwear in the country, hands down. I am a Swim buyer for another store and we always look to them since they own the market. And it’s not their main business! So people are buying their swimwear and maybe it is the Spring break demographic, but they can’t cater to every single person in the world. There’s always going to be a critic who doesn’t like the selection and buyers come and go and try to do their best to sell. Shopping around and finding a new place to get a swimsuit may be up your alley though, if you used to buy Target swimwear, maybe it’s time to move on. Try Kohl’s, Macy’s, JCpenney’s and a million other stores out there that focus more on clothing than hardlines, food, toys, home decor, automotive like Target does.
Exactly! And she left out the picture of the entire wall of 2 piece bathing suits that are more conservative and cover more! Which is very frustrating. Target has a great selection of all suits for all shapes and sizes. I for one love that you can buy very cute “trendy” suits at Target and don’t have to pay high prices for something you may only use for one season!
I understand your point to a point but as a former avid target customer I agree with her. In the last 6 years their womens apparel has started to be aimed at only certain people. Teens and young adults who are size 0 to 8 and elderly ladies who are size 10 to 20 their sizes run very small so even though the tag may say size 22 to 24 they aren’t. Targets keyshoppers are moms ages 22 to 45 size 0 to 26. They only aim their apparel at the very young or very old at those before mentioned styles at constantly worstening quality at ever higher prices. But I realize even that is normal in the retail world. If they want to stay ahead in apparel they need to offer better product for the women who keep them in business.
Allison I agree with you. I’m not a mom, but I basically live in Target and I always look there first when shopping for something specific. Last weekend I needed a swimsuit top in a pinch before heading to a water park and by the end of my shopping experience, found myself crying in the dressing room. Every top I picked up was an XL and they still didn’t fit me. I’m normally a M/L in clothing and a 36D.
OH MY WORD! You’ve nailed my thoughts exactly! Why oh why can’t 40-something’s be sexy and cute without wearing 16-year-old swimsuits!?Let’s start an enterprise….we could call it Forever 31 😉
I love that! I would so shop there!! Forever 31!
I personally the suits with boy short bottoms. I love the retro look but I don’t have the bombshell figure to pull it off I’d wear it in a second they’re so kicky and quaint.
The 40s “swim costume” as you call it are actually very in right now. They are cute and hip and I’m sure will look great on your described body type. They have great designs that don’t have to be floral. One piece suits with the sides cut out are also extremely hot for the past couple of years. While I see what you’re saying about the bad 90s fashion of the 2 pieces maybe you should try a store besides Target and Walmart if you want a stylish, well fitting suit…just sayin…if you’re looking for a cheap suit you can’t expect to necessarily find the best fitting and hottest fashions…
The target demographics A) fit into the spring break bikinis and want to wear them or B) fit into the modest suits and have to wear them because their body is not flattered by a very small swim suit.
Of course they think that there is a style that would flatter a larger body shape wile being sexy, and modest, and tiny, but that does not exist.
Target has many people finding exactly what the target demographic is, what they wear, and the price they’ll pay. If they don’t cater to you then you arnt the target demographic. Corporations like target do not get this wrong.
I’m sorry, what? You are saying that cute 2 piece suits for larger woman don’t exist? BS!
Omg, thank you!!! I live in Target, and I buy all my swimsuits from Target. I thought that after I had my son 2 years ago, I should buy a tankini. Nope, hated it. I love my bikinis!! And I had a hell of a time finding a suit there this year. Ended up with just a top, to go with my two year old well loved bottoms. There have to be cute, reasonably priced suits out there for (almost) 30 year olds!! And believe me Target, I will buy them. Many of them. For many years to come.
If you look behind the picture of the bright, and very cute swim suits whom a twenty something like myself happen to love, they have several more classic and sensible bikinis in an array of colors and patterns. I get the impression that this ‘rant’ of yours was less because you actually feel this way and more because you thrive off the attention you get for posting something like this on the Internet. God forbid, target doesn’t have a swim suit you like this season, as if there aren’t a thousand other stores, shops or boutiques you could be looking for one. You actually stated at the end of your post that target should tailor their retail selection to you, and you alone. I thought when I opened this, it might be something relevant or at least amusing but it was just some self centered narcissist blaming target because her itsy bitsy bikini days came to a (clearly) bitter end.
Totally agree!! I am 26 and, personally, I want to buy the neon pink, green, and light pink bikini in the top picture! I love Target swimsuits! definitely seems more of a “cry for attention” type post than anything relevant!
Exactly!!! I’m 29 with two kids and I would buy the swim suit in the first picture and the mint one!
I’m in my 30s with 3 kids and Target has a huge selection of swim suits that I would wear. Smash totally got it right in her post, this is clearly someone who likes to complain for the the sake of complaining. I will never understand those people who will only shop at ONE store and then complain when that store doesn’t have something they want. Go to one of the 1000 other retailers and find what you are looking for.
Spring breakers are exactly the demographic Target is trying to reach. Young college girls with fantastic bodies who want to wear a different teenie tiny bikini every day of spring break, with a college student budget, Target makes this possible. If you live in suburbia, are vacationing in Florida, and can afford to drop $100 every time you walk into Target you can surely afford a grown up two piece bathing suit. I highly recommend checking out Modcloth, Venus, and Victoria’s Secret.
I agree with you Jackie!! I was expecting to agree with this article, however you are absolutely right! If someone wants a “grown up” swimsuit, they should shop at a more appropriate venue.
My problem is they don’t make suits that fit us girls that have a little more up top or in the back without looking like a stripper. My only other option is the grandma suit that is not supportive in any way shape or form. They really need to start thinking about real women and not stick figures!!!!
Try figleaves.com, they actually sell tops that are designed to fit exact bust sizes and have fuller coverage bottoms that don’t make you look like a grandma. I have a 34G bust, so finding a top that actually covers, fits, and supports is almost impossible to come by. This was one of the only places that offered my size in a cute selection.
Couldn’t agree with you more re:fig leaves. I’m a 36 DD size 6 (M) bottom in my mid 30s and could never find suits that fit me at target or any other department store for that matter. If you need something beyond S, M, or L go to a specialty store.
Omg, THANK YOU for that. I just went to visit figleaves.com and I’m in love.
First of all, I would bet anything that these are two different buyers: one for the younger demographic and one for the older. So, you should maybe refrain from throwing these immature insults around targeted at one person who doesn’t even have control over this assortment that bothers you so much. Second of all, do you really go around expecting EVERY store you shop at to perfectly cater to your lifestyle? You obviously have never worked in corporate retail. Sure, you might be the “target demographic” but do you know how large and ever-changing that demographic is? All in all, I’m with Jackie^ on this one. Her comment was spot on!!!
Target has swim suits that caters to many different age groups/needs. Xileration brand is for teens/ early 20s, mossimo black is towards the 20s/30s age, c9 is an exercise brand, merona is towards older women and plus size (this year they also have a higher end swim line for older women). If you ask me they cater towards a large variety of women with many different needs in swim wear. Its unfortunate you didnt find something you like but feel free to shop at another store.
My word! Does Target have undercover folks trolling the Interwebs to defend them against bad press, or what? Not to worry friends, I still Heart Target, even used my Red Card today…though not in the swimwear section I will admit!
Thanks for all the suggestions everyone….figleaves.com looks like my next stop!
wow I find this very offensive I was at target today and bought the exact “40s swimming costume” that you posted. I like to be modest and keep my body covered. I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing a bra and underwear in public so I won’t do it to the beach or pool either and call it a bathing suit. I was excited to find a bathing suit that fit my modesty convictions so I’m very happy with target.. No need to bash the ladies that choose to keep covered
I feel the same way! I am 34, 1 kid and still wear a 2 piece. But the target bottoms are so terrible looking on me! I am pretty small and if my side fat is hanging off a size M, I don’t know who is the target market for these things! I usually end up with a top from Target and bottoms from a department store.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m 21 and I don’t want to wear these bathing suits! I’m extremely top heavy and I know if I bend over the whole beach is going to get a show. Target is my favorite store and as I type this about 75% of my outfit is from Target. To the girls saying its a cry for attention, it’s her own opinion. Just the way you stated yours the author was allowed to state hers. I went on spring break last month and wound up wearing a one piece because every two piece was extremely revealing. A little more coverage would DEFINITELY be welcomed by a larger demographic, not just 30+ moms.
You sound like you might like the swimwear at Athleta. They are not cheap, but they are great-looking.
I don’t understand why you’re ranting about juniors bikinis not fitting you. Of course they won’t, they’re geared to juniors! Most Targets have a huge section of mix and match tops and bottoms that are not just tankinis. They’re what I normally wear. Honestly, I like Old Navy and VS bikinis better, but this rant seems a little misguided.
I have to agree. I can’t buy any Swimwear from target and I want a two piece as well!
And when running around after my kids – I have found that a zipper rash gaurd has been amazing. I got mine from SwimZip. http://www.SwimZip.com
I am a 54 year old women and I am extremely petite. I shop at target for everything! However, I have never been able to buy a swimsuit there. The teen suits are too skimpy and I’ve never seen an extra small. The suits that are designated for us older women, well let’s just say are not very attractive and they don’t come in xsmall either. I’ve even gone to the little girls department but ruffles, bows, and polka dots are just not my style. LOL! I am then forced to go on a massive hunt all over town to find an appropriate suit for my age. I have another complaint about Target and it regards vanity sizing! I have shopped there for so many years so I have noticed the change in the way they label their sizing. I used to be able to wear an xsmall or a size 1 but now the xsmall actually look like smalls and the size 1 pants look like a size 3 pant! I am now forced to go to stores that carry size 00…REALLY! I’ve been the same size 1 almost my entire life and now all of the sudden I’m a double 00! Then I get people trying make me feel bad for being skinny! My point is can’t we go back to actual sizing. Those of you that buy a size 1 are actually a size 3 and if you buy a size 3 you are actually a size 5 and so and so on. I’m sick and tired of being shamed for being skinny for the sake of larger ladies needing to feel because they now wear a smaller size they are small. Let’s just get back to reality, PLEASE!
I completely agree! I stared my own company making swimwear because I refused to believe that just because a women isn’t 18 or a size 2 that she must shroud herself in drab colored Lycra. I am proud to offer styles that allow women to show off what their proud of while maintaining class. Thank you for saying what we were all feeling!
It goes waaay beyond the swimsuits. I used to buy clothes from Target regularly- now, it is relegated to the occasional T-shirt or tank top, as ALL of their clothes have gotten ridiculously tiny. Seriously, unless you happen to be an extremely petite pregnant woman, their maternity section is a joke….it appears to be made exclusively for pregnant 12 year olds. I have never been plus size in my life, yet the only shirts that fit over me sort-of largish, but not extreme, 36 D chest are labeled XXL…and as soon as they are washed end up being given to my teenage daughter as they have shrunk so badly. My slim 16 yr old is basically wearing Target’s version of plus size. The vanity sizing mentioned by another poster baffles me…because I am seeing the exact opposite. I don’t expect junior fashions to fit, and I gave up on finding a swim suit there years ago, as I do require strong support, not just flimsy nylon, to look good in a two piece. But, my complaints are about clothes that are supposed to fit WOMEN, including pregnant and plus size! If average sized me can’t fit in a XXL post-washing, and my teen daughter can rock their itty-bitty maternity dresses (oh yeah, we went there) then what in the heck do heavy people or actual pregnant women do?! (Yes, I am sure there are a fair amount of tiny, petite pregnant women who love Target’s maternity section because the styles are super cute….but I am pretty sure you are in the minority) I think Target has lost a lot of sales simply because average sized women (and I don’t mean the whole “average sized women are size 16” lot, because truthfully, that is plus size.) I mean women of normal, healthy weight, who are neither skinny, nor overweight, don’t usually even bother to look through the racks anymore. I bypass clothes completely unless I am in need of one of their “long and lean” t-shirt or tanks. They may be feeling in the tiny-teen girl demographic, but I am betting that the housewives that make up the bulk of their customers for other products, are skipping the clothing section.
#FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS
LOL- yes I know ;-)!
I so agree. Especially with the every time I walk in there I spend at least $100.
I’d have to say I agree with this. I’m a early-thirty something. This is true for their clothes too. If they aren’t SUPER trendy, they are mumsy, plain jane boring. I just want a freakin’ blouse for work that doesn’t make me look eighty, but doesn’t have a cutout back made of lace, m’kay? They used to sell pretty clothes…now it’s either super trendy young, or 80-year old lady. Why does it seem that 30-somethings get the shaft? There’s no clothing stores that cater to the 30-somethings that don’t want to completely cover up yet, but don’t want to dress like their mothers!
To all of you 20 something girls with perfect bodies, ENJOY it now. It will not last, and someday you will remember this article and finally understand. It is not easy to see your body getting squishy despite exercising, and what you used to be able to do just for maintenance of that nice little body doesn’t even come close to cutting it any longer. Yes, maybe we (almost) 40 somethings should be shopping at more grown up stores, but is it really so wrong to lament that fact, and even fight it a bit??? Trust me, you will too, and then you will see…..
Why not go to a swim suit store and buy a nice swim suit that is more inclined to have what your looking for- personally I wouldn’t buy my swim suit in a place that sells everything else. There’s stores that specialize for you- sorry Target didn’t have what your oh so important self needed. They are cheaply made tiny bikinis for one summer use for teens for the most part. (I don’t want to bash Target I love it there and also spend $100 just walking in)
can’t believe I wasted time reading this.
Why not go to a swim suit store and buy a nice swim suit that is more inclined to have what your looking for- personally I wouldn’t buy my swim suit in a place that sells everything else. There’s stores that specialize for you- sorry Target didn’t have what your oh so important self needed. They are cheaply made tiny bikinis for one summer use for teens for the most part. (I don’t want to bash Target I love it there and also spend $100 just walking in)
can’t believe I wasted time reading this. ew
It’s ruching not rushing. Makes it much more understandable.
However, I totally get what you’re saying and sympathize.
Thanks- guess my proof-readers missed this one….OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
Wow, you have some b*tchy commenters here! I just found your blog and love your sense of humor. If these ladies are offended by humor, god help them. I agree with you about Target. I am a size 8 with a very large, Germanic rib cage/shoulders and their Juniors line is usually too small/unflattering but the Merona line is too geriatric and boxy. We have a family discount to all Abercrombie/Hollister stores because of my spouse’s job and honestly I find their clothing to fit better and be more flattering, go figure. I have always had luck with Gap/Old Navy suits. Keep writing! I’m a Southerner up North and love your style. 🙂
I wish I had seen this blog sooner! You are spot on & I absolutely love your humor! I am the mom of 3, 42, and I just launched a new swimwear line this year because I had all of the same issues finding a suit “appropriate” for my age. I love wearing a bikini & the Ultrakini is a three piece patent pending magnetic bikini, tankini & coverup in one. I’ll send you one for free if you want to try it & share about it. Let me know & thank you for validating the existence of my business with this post. Love it! Sincerely, Summer http://www.ultrakini.com
You hit this right on the head. I was at target yesterday in the middle of April, I am a 31 year old mother of 2 and wear a size 6. There were only the itty bitty teeny weenie bikinis or ones that looked like my 85 year old grandma would wear! I found 1 one-piece that I actually liked and it was sold out in my size online and in stores around me in APRIL!!that should tell them something. I really hope they can get this figured out considering there are so many woman that deserve to feel good and look good with confidence instead of leaving discouraged. I have a trip to California next week and still no bathing suite to wear ? Not a happy target customer!