sample of Her Majesty's work to the unfortunate fellow
who did not call in a timely manner.
Dear Boy Who Did Not Act Right,
We regret to inform you that your behavior as of late has
proven to be less than satisfactory. Communication being a
vital part of any successful union, your total disregard for
Her Majesty's attempts to contact you last evening revealed
both an unwillingness to participate fully in the
fundamentals of a relationship and the complete ineptness of
being unable to pick up a phone.
Having made not one, but two endeavors to converse with you,
She has become quite disconsolate and is currently beside
Herself with worry that you have either abandoned Her, or
are trapped beneath a very heavy object. For your sake, we
can only hope you are pinned under a refrigerator.
Her Highness is quite unclear on how someone could simply
forget how to use a communication devise as elementary as a
telephone and considers this latest act of stupidity a
highly unfavorable attribute. Your senseless acts of neglect
will simply not be tolerated.
Were there, by some divine grace, an extenuating
circumstance rendering an acceptable explanation, ie: war,
famine, plague, or some other world-ending catastrophe, She
might be willing to grant you audience long enough to plead
Please submit formal appeals to the High Court no later than
3pm, requests received after 3pm will be processed the next
scribe of Her Majesty