Reunion Re-cap

Here I am, back from my voyage into the past and I am please to say I have returned unscathed. The reunion really went very well, no stabbing of eyes or drunken fall-downs. Those girls prone to skinniness got skinnier (dammit), though I'm certain their eating disorders will catch up with them in their 30s. There's only so much your teeth can handle before stomach acid begin to erode the enamel. Those of us prone to roundness got a bit rounder, but no one really looked bad, I'm sorry to report. Fattys are so much more fun to talk about than regular folks who look just fine.

I would like to congratulate all those "Buns" in the oven- y'all were of course exempt from any weight watching.

So basically, though I was as fabulous as you'd expect, I have no real "I grew up better than you" shit to talk....and for that, I sincerely apologize. So let's discuss people we don't know and therefore won't be offended by anything I say...

I will say that one big downside of visiting a college campus would be the college students. So, they're fun to watch at first and reminisce about your glory days when you too started your night at 11pm. But then they begin to take over and suddenly all your preparations for looking fabulous are negated in a single instant by some 19-year-old bitch in a $29 sundress wearing flip flops, a natural tan, and barely a dusting of blush. I mean you can't walk down the street without runnin' across half a dozen girls who just rolled out of bed and dressed for the day in shorter shorts than you wear to sleep in, eating an ice cream cone, not a jiggle in their thigh as they prance down the street to sunbathe in the middle of campus. This is after spending their evenings drinking sugar-filled cocktails and ordering pizza at 3am before passing out and waking to an egg and cheese biscuit and a sweet tea. And they're everywhere, these tiny stick-people; they are what's wrong with America. Because you see, at some point their bodies will figure out that calories=weight gain, and they will put on a few pounds and begin the yo-yo diet cycle that has kept Jenny Craig in her Jimmy Choos for the past 25 years. Until then of course, they will continue taunting alumni with their lack of cellulite, while blissfully eating lard.

And while y'all will never believe me, there was a time when I could run with the best of em, short-shorts and all. Basically I peaked my junior year and it's been downhill since, gathering speed with every birthday. But then you know, everyone's gonna peak at some point, most folks in college, and then it's just about figuring out how to reposition your fabulousness in an older demographic, touting your spring break photo albums as proof of your once visible abs.

Alas these Pretty Princess dolls remind us of our new level of maturity, our belief in the importance of inner beauty and of course, the power of old pictures!