Elevator Pitch
Dear Elevator Talkers,
What makes you think that sharing an elevator necessitates the sharing of any other information? Just because we're trapped in the same box for a minute and a half doesn't mean we need to be best friends or anything. It's an elevator not a G.D. cocktail party! Why is it that you all feel it necessary to comment on something and can't simply ride in silence like a normal person? And why must you insist on commenting on, of all obvious things, the weather? It's cold outside...really? Is that why I'm wearing a coat and scarf instead of a freakin' tee-shirt? It is January for christ's sake, it's supposed to be cold. Moreover, since I have lost my teleporting abilities, I have just been outside myself and I know exactly how cold it is, thank you very much.
Elevator riding should not be a social situation, hence the installation of television monitors in most major buildings, so that we can concentrate on mindless factoids instead of our mindless companions. I have only 10 floors in which to locate my keys, recover from hat-hair, and get myself together before being dumped into the abysmal frenzy of my office, and I do not choose to spend those precious moments discussing the weekend forecast with a person I have never met nor will ever see again.
Please exercise the courtesy of shutting the hell up! I know you can do it, it is but a brief interval in your inane babbling. Silence is good for the soul and even better for society. And if I can do it, to be sure, it can be done!
In circumstances where talking is necessary, such as a mechanical failure or the apocalypse, certain allowances can be made. Otherwise, push your button, face the doors, and try to act like you got some home training.
Sincerely,
HRH (her royal highness) Queenan Potato, silent rider
What makes you think that sharing an elevator necessitates the sharing of any other information? Just because we're trapped in the same box for a minute and a half doesn't mean we need to be best friends or anything. It's an elevator not a G.D. cocktail party! Why is it that you all feel it necessary to comment on something and can't simply ride in silence like a normal person? And why must you insist on commenting on, of all obvious things, the weather? It's cold outside...really? Is that why I'm wearing a coat and scarf instead of a freakin' tee-shirt? It is January for christ's sake, it's supposed to be cold. Moreover, since I have lost my teleporting abilities, I have just been outside myself and I know exactly how cold it is, thank you very much.
Elevator riding should not be a social situation, hence the installation of television monitors in most major buildings, so that we can concentrate on mindless factoids instead of our mindless companions. I have only 10 floors in which to locate my keys, recover from hat-hair, and get myself together before being dumped into the abysmal frenzy of my office, and I do not choose to spend those precious moments discussing the weekend forecast with a person I have never met nor will ever see again.
Please exercise the courtesy of shutting the hell up! I know you can do it, it is but a brief interval in your inane babbling. Silence is good for the soul and even better for society. And if I can do it, to be sure, it can be done!
In circumstances where talking is necessary, such as a mechanical failure or the apocalypse, certain allowances can be made. Otherwise, push your button, face the doors, and try to act like you got some home training.
Sincerely,
HRH (her royal highness) Queenan Potato, silent rider
1 Comments:
aren't we grumpy today
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