Nicole, honey...

...you can hold a cup of ice cream all damn day long, and there ain't nobody gonna believe you took a bite! This week's Star Magazine shows the skin-and-bones celeb leaving Baskin Robbins with a big ol' cuppa ice cream, which you have to know was purchased in an attempt to convince America that she is regular person with regular eating habits. Honey, you know she didn't do more than sniff those 31 flavors and as soon as she reaches the safety of her ridiculously expensive SUV she's gonna dump that cup faster than you can say an-or-ex-i-a.

And look at poor Karen Carpenter, it's hard to be "on top of the world" when you're six feet under, ain't it? I mean really, what normal woman weighs 83 lbs? Child I haven't seen 83 lbs since sometime in elementary school and even then it was only after a bout of the stomach flu.

Why the hell can't these people just EAT!! Do you know how much more energy it takes to deprive yourself than to just order the damn pizza? It's just too much. The entire West Coast is walking around on pencil legs with giant balloon heads, and the rest of America thinks that's attractive?

All I can say, is thank God Sweetpotato likes his women thick of the thigh, cause there just ain't no way Queenie's passing up a buffet or a Baskin Robbins any time soon!