V-Day

It's D-day, boys and girls, or should I say, V-day. Love is in the air, and so is the smell of desperation as men all over the country are placing last-minute calls to the florist and dashing madly to Hallmark. If you have not purchased a gift yet, you are not alone...but you are an idiot. Valentine's Day being one of the most commercial, greeting card-driven holidays in existence, you must make your selections at least two weeks in advance, lest you find yourself giving your Sweetheart a card reading "For a Special Grandmother." If you're finding nothing left at the store, try this e-card , it's cute and promotes heart health, and well, it helps a friend of mine too;-)

Now you know my old saying, "nothing says love like a diamond," but if you don't have one yet, you're obviously not going to purchase it today, so let me give you another sound gift idea - CHOCOLATE!! Sweetpotato (who by the way is an excellent gift-giver, and I'd like to thank his mother for that)woke me up this morning with a big ol' heart-shaped box of Russell Stover, and I couldn't have loved him more than if he'd put a 3 carat solitaire around my neck...okay, well maybe a little more, but not much.

You see, most women fantasize about watching a sappy movie in their pjs while taking bites out of every chocolate in a gigantic box. Not a particularly hot fantasy, but a very real one. However, we cannot actually buy our own box because the guilt of even holding 5,000 calories you intend to share with no one, starts a pulsing sensation in our thighs. Hence, fellas, you are the only ones who can satisfy our sweettooth and alleviate our distress, because if chocolates are a gift, we can't possibly hurt your feelings with a refusal. You see, with this one present you can not only fulfill your Valentine's obligations, but simultaneously say to your sweetheart, "I don't care what the scale says baby, you don't need to lose an ounce."

What women in the world can resist a man who thinks she's too thin and therefore needsto eat balls of fudge? And if you're real smart you'll go back tomorrow and buy the leftover discounted boxes to save for the next time you don't respond correctly to questions about our size, shape, or how we look in last year's swimsuit.

Happy Valentine's Day - may you dine out, drink wine, eat chocolate, and start your diet again tomorrow;-)