Fashion Week- episode two

Now there are many disturbing things that go on in the world of high fashion, the Tommy Hilfiger reality show for example, but even horrible prime time television cannot be as remarkable as runway models. These women, no teenagers, frighten me with their stick-like frames, and I have to wonder how they stand upright, considering they've probably only ingested about 400 calories in the past week. (I really wanted to offer them a cookie, but I figured they were too busy to eat right then, so I just kept it for myself.) So I'm sitting in the big tent, watching the skeleton parade, and my friend Fashion Slave is pointing out which of these dull-eyed giraffes is "the model" to have in your show. Now let me tell you that this girl was virtually indistinguishable from the other anorexics, except for her amazing ability to sling her legs back as if to dislocate her knees with every step. Apparently they teach you this whole slumped-shouldered, forward-hipped, lock-kneed walk in model school because all of these girls were parading down the runway like Bambi taking his first steps. My joints ached just looking at them and I had this incredible urge to call my chiropractor. It's really unclear why someone would design such beautiful clothing and then hire a scoliosis convention to show it off. Alas, this is the way of the fashion world. Fortunately for their health and everyone else's self-esteem, these famished, crooked creatures only surface twice a year and then return to the European land of their birth to recuperate from their 20-foot walk, for which they earned my month's salary. Not that it much matters what they earn, seeing as how they don't have to buy food or clothing...though, in fairness, drug habits are rather expensive. And of course they are not of this nation, we don't grow 'em like that over here, just visit your local fast-food joint if you have any doubts.

Ahhh the runway model - inspiring fashion designers, magazine editors, and cheeseburger eaters everywhere.